My Story - Lived Experience of Abuse, Recovery & Strength
This page contains references to abuse, trauma, eating disorder, and suicidal experience. Please read at your own pace and care for yourself as you do.
A note before you read
This page is here for those who want to understand where my work comes from.
You do not need to read my story to book coaching, invite me to speak, or engage with my work. My story is shared by choice, not obligation.
Please read at your own pace.
Where My Voice Was Formed
My story began long before I had words for what was happening to me.
I grew up in an environment shaped by control, fear, silence, and expectation. From an early age, I learned how to survive rather than how to feel safe. Abuse, in its many forms, became what I knew. Not what was right. Simply what was.
I did not grow up believing I had a voice. I grew up believing that silence kept me alive.
This is not something I learned from books. It is something I lived.
And it is precisely because I lived it that I can sit with others who are living it now, without flinching, without rushing, and without asking them to be further along than they are.
Culture, Control, and the Loss of Choice
Much of my early life was shaped by cultural expectation and rigid control. Honour, obedience, and image were prioritised over safety, truth, or wellbeing.
I was raised to believe that my life was not my own. Decisions were made for me. My body, my future, and my voice were treated as commodities rather than gifts.
This eventually led to two attempted forced marriages that I did not choose, could not freely refuse, and did not consent to in the way that genuine choice requires. These were not misunderstandings. They were deliberate acts of control that stripped me of my autonomy at the times in my life when I most needed to feel safe.
What followed was further entrapment, further silence, and further survival.
I want anyone reading this who recognises their own story here to know something important. What happened to you was not your fault. Cultural pressure is real. Family expectation is real. The fear of consequences is real. And none of that makes what was done to you acceptable.
This part of my story is documented in my autobiography 'The Only Arranged Marriage'.
Survival, Not Strength
"Survival is often mistaken for weakness.
In truth, it is the body and soul doing whatever is necessary to stay alive."
For many years, I lived in survival mode.
I functioned. I performed. I endured.
Inside, I carried fear, shame, confusion, and a deep sense of worthlessness. I developed coping mechanisms that helped me survive unbearable circumstances, but which also disconnected me from my body, my emotions, and my sense of self.
There were seasons marked by depression, anxiety, and anorexia. There were moments when I could not see a reason to continue. I made attempts on my own life. More than once.
I am sharing this not for shock, and not for sympathy. I am sharing it because I know there are women reading these words who have been in that same place, who have felt that same impossibility, and who have never heard someone say it out loud and still be standing.
I am still standing.
And if you are reading this from that place right now, please know that what you are feeling makes sense given what you have carried. You do not have to carry it alone.
Survival is not a character flaw. It is not weakness dressed up as strength. It is the evidence that something in you refused to give up, even when every part of you was exhausted.
That something is still here. And it is worth building on.
Faith, Abuse, and Uncovering Truth
My journey of faith has not been simple.
I encountered God in the midst of my pain, but I also encountered spiritual abuse, manipulation, and misuse of authority within spaces that were meant to be safe.
This is explored deeply in part two of my story titled 'Uncovering Truths'
I learned that faith can be weaponised. Scripture can be twisted. Silence can be spiritualised. And trauma can be dismissed in the name of obedience.
I also learned that God is not afraid of truth.
My faith today is rooted in truth, discernment, and freedom, not fear or performance. I hold faith with care, because I know how deeply it can wound when misused.
Breaking My Silence Came at a Cost
When I first shared my story publicly, I did not receive universal support.
I received threats, rejection, backlash, and attempts to silence me. There were moments when telling the truth felt more dangerous than staying quiet.
And yet, I continued.
Because for every voice that tried to shut me down, there was another person who whispered, “Your story saved my life.”
That is when I understood that my story was never only about me.
You can watch my TEDx talk, Why Me, to hear how I began to find that answer.
From Survivor to Advocate
I do not share my story to be known as strong or brave.
I share it because silence protects abusers, not survivors.
Over time, my lived experience became the foundation of everything. I established Breaking the Silence (BTSUK), a registered charity that supported women and children affected by domestic abuse, forced marriage, and human trafficking. The charity ran for several years and supported many women through some of the most difficult seasons of their lives.
The charity may be gone but the mission never left me.
It simply found a new form. Through coaching, speaking, writing, and advocacy, I continue to do the same work I have always done. Supporting women not by fixing them, not by rushing them, but by walking alongside them with truth, boundaries, and care.
How My Story Shapes My Work
"My lived experience shapes everything I do"
It shapes how I listen.
How I pace conversations.
How I respect boundaries.
How I avoid retraumatisation.
How I hold faith without force.
I do not ask people to share more than they choose.
I do not bypass pain with positivity.
I do not position myself as an authority over someone’s life.
I offer steadiness, clarity, and choice.
Why I Continue to Speak
I speak because many people still live in silence.
I speak for those who were never believed.
For those harmed in private spaces.
For those wounded by faith but still longing for God.
For those who survived, but do not yet feel free.
My story is not a spectacle. It is a testimony of truth, survival, restoration and hope.
If You See Yourself Here
You are not weak.
You are not broken.
You are not behind.
Your responses make sense in the context of what you lived through.
Support is allowed.
Clarity is allowed.
Taking your time is allowed.
Where to Go Next
If you would like to explore support, you can do so gently and without pressure.
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Take Something Away Today
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